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I’m Safe Because I’m Not a Mermaid. Thank God.
Being a redhead means one of two things: You’re awkward, kinda chubby, and about 18 different flavors of outcast Or you’re blessed with every attractive quality possible: Unless you’re like me and...
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Problem? I Don’t Have a Problem.
This is what part of my kitchen looks like: From left: Kyle the Keurig, Meryl the Standard Drip Coffee Maker, Gregory the Deluxe Coffee Grinder, my sister’s Home-Roasted Coffee Beans, Henri the French...
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The Infallible Logic of Snow Day Magic
Today is proof that even after college, sleeping in your pajamas inside out works every time. Why? BECAUSE I GOT A SNOW DAY, BITCHES! Now, there are some negative sides to this. For example, I live...
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It’s not an unhealthy relationship, I swear.
So, a few weeks ago, my bestie (who has decided to go by “John Hamm” on this blog for legal reasons) posted this on my Facebook wall with the message “Please take and report back to me”: Buzzfeed Quiz...
View ArticleAnd Once Again, My Mother, Ladies and Gentlemen…
So last night I was sitting at home and relaxing with some Netflix and my dog. It was perfect. And then I went to wash my face. “Why do my eyes look different?” I thought to myself. And then I realized...
View ArticleWindow? Squirrel Parkour Course? I’ve Heard It Both Ways.
So, my best friend, who has decided to go by the pseudonym “John Hamm” on this blog (so as to avoid any Internet association with me) texted me this video just now: Me: Oh my gosh. So cute. JH: He’s...
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An Oldie, but a Goodie, because #TBT… and my mom.
The great thing about me posting on Thursdays is that whenever I don’t have the time, I can just be all “THROWBACK THURSDAY, BITCHES!” and then all of you, my Duckies, are just like “Yay!! Trending...
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I don’t think I’m doing this whole “sexting” thing correctly, you guys.
You know when you’re in the beginnings of a romantic interest and you do your best to make sure that the other person sees mainly all the wonderful and charming details about you? As far as you and...
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Giant Wild Ninja Turkeys, Everyone. Giant. Wild. Ninja Turkeys.
Okay, so disclaimer: I do not have the reflexes of a lightning fast cheetah, so I did not capture this moment on camera. You’re just going to have to trust me that it actually happened. I live on the...
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Everything could be terrible. I wouldn’t know.
My family has a weird way of dealing with crises on various levels. Correction: My parents have a weird way of dealing with crises on various levels. My siblings seem to do just fine with this sort of...
View ArticleThanks a lot, weird genetics.
I’m twenty-five, but if you were to just look at the state of my hips and back, you’d think I was decades older. I have a lot of strange issues with my skeleton, most of which are caused by the fact...
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I’m probably going to go to jail soon.
I am obsessed with a guy at my gym. Not in like a creepy sexual way, but in just a fascination way, because he looks exactly like Drake. via GIPHY And I’m pretty sure his name is Jake. At least I...
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So… THIS HAPPENED.
….WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?! In equally unsettling news, #SundaySupdates, a live Q&A I do WHILST COOKING, is live and public this Sunday at 8pm! Most Sundays it’s just for the Patreon people, but the...
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“SCATTER!” -My Brain.
My Bestbian is on her way to visit me from Boston RIGHT NOW and I am beyond excited because I haven’t seen her since my wedding day (which was sadly the day I married someone other than her. Damn you,...
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Gym Drake is my Unicorn: A Sequel
Okay, so the last time I wrote about the gym, we all learned about my obsession with this guy at our gym who looks exactly like Drake. I was pretty excited to go back to the gym tonight, not because I...
View ArticleWhat even is “A Scissor” anyway?
So something has been bothering me ALL DANG WEEK. Someone asked me for “a scissor.” As I handed the scissors to them I thought to myself, “Don’t you mean ‘a pair of scissors?'” And then…. I spiraled....
View ArticleBut then I realized that it was Friday the 13th and all of this seemed normal
Well hello there, friends! I’m sorry for my bloggy absence this past weekend, but activities took over and my brain couldn’t handle putting words out by the end of it all. Sometimes we all need a...
View ArticleI’m not even allowed to think about watching Mindhunter.
Last night I took Gio out to go to the bathroom, but it was really dark and I got scared, so I only let him pee, which makes me a terrible dog owner, but in my defense I took him inside so that I could...
View ArticleFred Flinstone Is Missing and Now My Dog is Possessed.
The other night, we received our PupJoy box, full of goodies for the dogs, and one of the toys was this GIANT rubber squeaky bone covered in cloth that kind of looked like it was stolen from Fred...
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The Titanic Was a Thing and A Movie Theater Is a Place.
I wasn’t going to do NaNoWriMo this year. I had a long list of perfectly good reasons not to do NaNoWriMo this year: Writing/editing 1 essay a week for submissions Editing two novels Updating this blog...
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