The great thing about me posting on Thursdays is that whenever I don’t have the time, I can just be all “THROWBACK THURSDAY, BITCHES!” and then all of you, my Duckies, are just like “Yay!! Trending social media topics!! I love them!!”
In reality, I don’t have the day off today, and so I’m scrambling to throw even these few sentences together before I go to work, but I wanted to get something posted because I’m leaving for BlogU tomorrow and I’m going to be meeting all sorts of new people who also blog and I figured that they should have a chance to get to know me (or my mother) a little bit better before we meet face to face.
So… I’m going with an oldie, but a goodie, because everyone loves stories about my mom and this was her debut into the blogosphere.
Quick side note: When I originally posted this, my mom was all “OMG, I’M FAMOUS!!” and then she emailed it to her entire office and they were all “EMELIE SHOULD SEND THIS INTO ELLEN!” and that’s when I knew that I really was in Suburbia… because only middle-aged white housewives would immediately start begging me to submit my stuff to Ellen Degeneres.
Anyway… on to the Blog Post…
And My Mother Makes Her Debut… with Assless Chaps.
I have a strange life problem. Well… it’s really a blessing and a curse.
I have a hot mom.
Don’t get me wrong, 99% of the time, it freaking rocks to know that my parents are still so young looking. It bodes well for my own future. It’s the other 1% I try and block out.
Let me explain:
My mom is in her mid-fifties and she looks like she’s… well… much younger. Mind you, she has had no cosmetic surgery, the woman just teaches six aerobics classes a week, three of which are at 5:45 in the morning, and then she goes and rides her horse for at least an hour almost every day. Throw in the fact that we’re 100% Swedish and you’ve got yourself one hot mamma. Needless to say, this woman can kick my ass. She’s awesome.
She is also wonderfully weird.
We were sitting around the other day and having coffee, and the subject of Christmas came up.
Mom: Oh! If anyone is stuck on what to get me for Christmas, go to [insert big country horse supply store here]! They have so many awesome things!
Me: Okay, like what? Keep in mind that I’m poor.
Mom: Well, they even have horse treats.
Me: Mom… I’m not going to buy you a bag of horse treats for Christmas!
Mom: Well, I’ll use them!
Me: Okay.. is there something that’s in between horse treats and like… a new saddle?
Mom: Oh, I wouldn’t ask you for a saddle. Oh, but you know what, they do have these awesome leather chaps that have fringe going all the way down the sides.
Me: As in… assless chaps?
Mom: Well, yeah, Emelie. All chaps are assless.
Me: I am not buying my mother anything that can be described as assless.
Mom: Why? I think they’re cool!
Me: Let’s change the subject please. How did your burlesque aerobics class go? I admit that this might not have been the best subject change, but this is how we talk, people.
Mom: Oh, it was so much fun! We had feather boas and everything, it was great. Oh, except my friend was sick and she was so upset that she couldn’t be there.
Me: Oh, that sucks! She would have had fun.
Mom: I know, and she was supposed to make “penises in a blanket” so then we ended up not having any “penises in a blanket” 
Me: Mom… I think it’s about time I write about you in my blog.
Mom: Really? Why?
Me: Because I love you. And someone needs to start writing down the things that you say.
I’m not kidding, though. I truly do love my mom, and I rarely pass up the opportunity to hang out with her nowadays. I honestly hope that I’m as badass and free-spirited as she is for the rest of my life. She freaking rocks.
This also means I’m going to have to start working out, though…
I love you, Mom!
And yes… I did buy her the chaps.