I just got home from work and I am so tired I can hardly move, not because it was a tiring day at work, but because I barely got any sleep last night.
Because somebody won’t stop pooping on the carpet.
IT’S NOT FUNNY, ALOY.
We’re not sure what the real problem is. Last night was definitely abnormal in that she was clearly not feeling well and woke us up with stink bombs every hour or so. Is she sick? Is she stressed? Is this just part of her rebellious stage?!?
The thing with Aloy is that she’s really smart, but she’s also a freaking ninja when it comes to anything bathroom-related. Throughout the day, she’ll chat at you and bark at her toys or at Gio, but when it comes to going to the bathroom, all she does is quietly walk over to the staircase that leads outside, stare down it briefly, and then walk away, presumably assuming that we just can’t be bothered to respond. EXCEPT SOMETIMES WE AREN’T IN THE ROOM SO WE NEVER SEE THE SIGNS.
We’ve bought the bells and now every time we take her out, we ring the bells. She still just stands there.
So we’re at a weird loss and I’m kind of hoping that patience will win out here, but also what if our life is just filled with poop forever? Whatever poor NSA agent that is forced to read my google history is just like “my god, woman, why do you keep googling stuff about dog poop?” But then again, maybe this agent is also having dog poop problems and I’m helping her while also helping myself, so… it’s a win/win? Or a lose/lose? Seeing as how we’re both having to research the causes of dog poop, I’m pretty sure it’s the latter, but who knows? Maybe this is how I end up meeting an NSA agent and then I’ll be hired to be a secret agent who fights crimes! Against dog poop! Wow. This really took a turn, didn’t it? Did I mention I was tired? Where am I?
Oh, right. Aloy keeps ninja-pooping and it’s terrible. But I do recognize that it’s also kind of hilarious when it’s not happening to you. For example, while I was at work today, I received a text from The Mr, who had closed Aloy in his office with him so that he could keep an eye on her:
Him: 
Me: Oh no. What happened?
Him: <photo of dog poop on his office floor that I will spare you from looking at, my dear readers>
Me: 
…but it looks solid, so… yay!
Him: I was giving a presentation to a client.
Him: and she just ninja-pooped halfway through it.
Him: So I had to sit in my office for 30 more minutes just smelling her poop.
Me:
I’m a good wife.
So now I’m spending the rest of my evening reading up on what to do when your housetrained dog just decides to throw everything she’s learned out the window.
But at least I’m doing my part for the country by helping out a government employee along the way.
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